it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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