I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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