Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
