Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
