do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
