that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
