he puts the penis in happiness.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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