i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
