apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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