Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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