Nicole vs. Life
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
