i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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