I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
