Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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