i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
