At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
