I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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