Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
