he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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