i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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