Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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