He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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