Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
