i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
