I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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