You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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