covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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