I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it