My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS