They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment