Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex