Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.