I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.