my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
NoShamevember. You game?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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