She announced her abortion via fbk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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