I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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