I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
