hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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