I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
