Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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