508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
