I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
