So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
