Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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