so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
