oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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