You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
only you would photoshop your dick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
