This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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