I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
