Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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