god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
