I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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