woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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