i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
