That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize