Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
