I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
