Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am mentally ready for anal.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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