Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
