Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
