Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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