brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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