I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize