My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
