I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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