yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
