A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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