I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found a bag of teeth...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
