I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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