Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
