Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
