when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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