Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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